Mod 6: My story – Dad

After my dad discarded me, the details of which I’ve previously described, I did what most people did in a crisis in 2014: I headed for Google. The first thing I searched for was “bullying of adult children by elderly parents.” I wasn’t a half dozen clicks into the search process when I came upon Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Talk about a eureka moment. The checklists for NPD were all biographies not only of my dad, but of Max! It was as if they had both been manufactured as different models—the ominous black sedan and the racy red sports car—at some big central Narcissist Factory.

I read voraciously. I journaled. I read voraciously some more. I talked it over with my husband and daughters. And I read voraciously some more.

The clinical, informational articles about the disorder were very helpful. But what I found even more helpful were the blogs. Blogs by other victims of narcissists. Reading the outpourings of the hearts of these fellow victims made the greatest difference of all. I saw all my same emotions and experiences in what happened to them. The same confusion, suppressed anger, anxiety, self-doubt, etc. Everything I had been through my entire life, for the first time began to make sense.

Meanwhile, due to other circumstances at the time, I was spending tons of time with one of my now adult daughters, and of course she too was a victim of a narcissistic father. We had each other, as well as her older sister, to talk with about these new discoveries. These discussions included my younger daughter’s sharing with me the mindfulness techniques she had adopted years before to cope with her anxiety attacks.

My healing from my first marriage had been rather superficial…like if you have cosmetic surgery after an accident, but fail to undergo the internal surgery to repair the real damage. This, however, was truly constructive, this one-two punch of information and sympathetic connection.

After my separation from Max, it took me a year to get back most of my day-to-day, superficial mental health. On the other hand, after my father’s discard it took more like six months to recover significantly and deeply from a full lifetime of parental abuse.

You can see why I am, despite its foibles, such a fan of the internet. And meanwhile, maybe now you understand why I have such a passion for helping others who suffer narcissistic abuse. Just trying to pay it forward.

So, without further ado, on to the Mod 6 Knowledge section!

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